Living With Alzheimer's

Locks on the doors,
Locks on the screens,
Soon locking the pantry
Keep the keys unseen.

Maintaining the peace,
Preventing a fight,
Thinking ahead
So he can't take flight.

Keeping him safe
Is the primary goal.
Regularly missing
What Alzheimer's stole.

Stress is a constant companion these days.
Finding moments of peace
In small, fleeting ways.

Hearing him laugh
Or seeing him smile,
Makes long days better
At least for a while.

But the day is soon coming
That we'll all have to face.
Moving him out
To a different place.

Until that day comes,
We strive for safety and ease.
I hate Alzheimer's.
I hate this disease.

My Lockness

I wrote this two years ago and am re-posting in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Deep within my right breast,
lurks a mysterious little something – I've named it Lockness.
Now, you might be thinking "This girl’s insane" but just sit tight and I’ll explain.

You see, I recently went for my annual exam and was handed a script for a mammogram.
I know it’s important for this to be done; I am, after all, past year 41.
So I made my appointment; I didn’t have to be pushed
To lay my breasts down and get alternately squished.

I was neither surprised to receive the next call.
“Additional views needed.” It’s routine, after all.
So I promptly was scheduled, put my right boob on the plate
and was then sent to the hall and asked…to just...wait…

Well, wait I sure did for what felt a long time.
Others came and they went; I felt less than fine.
Red flags shot up as people whispered my name.
“Just gathering information” was the only answer that came.
There’s an area of concern, I finally was told.
An ultrasound was needed. I suddenly felt cold.

I was led to a room and asked to lie down.
The last ultrasound I had, my belly was all round.
But a baby was not what this was about.
I tried to stay positive and fought off my doubt.

I could view the screen easily and was fascinated to see
What looked like an ocean – well, it did to me.
And that’s when I saw it – what they were looking for.
A dark shadowy something. Was that it? Would there be more?

She zeroed in on the area and measured, more or less.
And that’s when it struck me – that monster called Lockness.
It bobbed up and down, this threat in my breast.
I thought “I’m so weird” as she finished the test.

But happy I wasn’t and I started to pray
For peace while I waited to hear what they'd say.
Would my Lockness have teeth? The radiologist wasn’t sure.
But a biopsy would certainly tell everyone more.

I met with a surgeon the very next day.
She doesn’t think that it’s cancer. It doesn’t look that way.
She said cancer cells are jagged and much darker too.
But go ahead with the biopsy - try not to let it worry you.

So, a core-needle biopsy I’ll soon undergo.
And await the results that will finally show
If a cancerous threat lurks within my right breast…
This suspicious area I call Lockness.

-----------------------------

Well, my story has an ending and it brought great relief
To learn that my Lockness had absolutely NO TEETH!

My results were benign, no cancer in sight.
But someone else just today learned she'll have to fight.
She's scared and confused, unsure how this will end.
Please say a prayer for this one, then get tested, my friend.

It doesn't take long, a firm squish and it's done.
Let's stay on our guard 'till the cancer-battle's been won!

Be blessed!
Melanie

Love's Story

Once upon a time in a land not far away,
A young man met a girl
18 years ago, Labor Day.

They’d seen each other at church, said the usual hi’s & bye’s.
He thought she was pretty; She thought him so handsome,
Especially, his big brown eyes.

They met at a party of a mutual friend.
They talked and they flirted all day ‘till the end.
Phone numbers exchanged, a quick peck on the cheek.
She couldn’t help but smile as she thought of him all week.

A phone call soon followed, at her job no less.
He’d been thinking of her too; she was very impressed.

After a few short months, they’d fallen in love.
They felt enormously blessed by their God above.
A proposal of marriage came on the 12th of December.
And the wedding that followed, they’d always remember.

For the last 17 years, the young man and his bride
Have had a blessed life; yes, it’s been quite a ride.
I wish I could say every day is care free.
But it is a union of two people who are as different as can be.

Though years have passed, this girl still loves her man,
Their life and their kids and how he still takes her hand.
Her heart still skips a beat when he comes into view,
Because she knows that he loves her with all of his heart too.

The best part of this story? It’s 100 percent true!
Happy Anniversary, my love - I’ll always love you!!!

A Birthday Prayer

Today is my sweet girl's 12th birthday! I couldn't help but think back to the day she was born.

Be blessed.
Melanie

My God, my God
With gratitude I’m compelled
To come into your presence
For this feeling won’t be quelled.

You gave me this gift
I’ve cherished all these years.
My beautiful baby girl
Now, here come the tears.

They’re tears of joy as I recall
The first moment that I held her
That overwhelming love
As I sat there and beheld her

I could never have imagined
A love so big and so pure
Would I raise her well?
Oh, I so wasn’t sure.

I remember thanking You though
As I studied her face
Counting fingers and toes
Ensuring all was in place

Then thanksgiving turned to song
On that very first day
A simple song just for her
In that sweet lullaby way

James 1:5 became my prayer
A promise from You so I’m prepared
To handle all things that might come our way
As You give me wisdom to do and to say

God, she’s grown so big in such a short time
Beautiful and sweet and so very kind
She’s got her faults, I will admit
Though not one’s held against her
Not one little bit.

So I thank You now as I thanked You then
For this gift of a daughter that You did send
And on this, her birthday, I humbly ask
That You continue to keep me up to this task

Help me do all that You desire me to
In raising her well and pointing her to You.
I want nothing more for her than to be happy and strong
Loving You greatly Her entire life long.

Bless her, my Jesus
In every wonderful way
And let this be for her
A fabulous Birthday!

I Sit

I sit wondering and worrying...

Is my sweet one feeling better?
Is another one feeling bitter?
Have I let this one down?
Have I filled that one up?
Have I met expectations?
Do I press on or give up?

Do I confront or let go?
Express or move slow?
I want to scream and/or shout
My frustrations, let out.

I sit tired and weary - my sleep's been deprived.
I fear no conclusions will quickly arrive.

The thoughts in my head all vie to be heard
Some lies from the enemy, some completely absurd.
It's the still small Voice, I'm trying to hear.
If I come unto Him, then to me He'll draw near.

So here I sit waiting, His Word at my side.
My thoughts must grow quiet and my heart open wide.
I dare not trust in my feelings for they've led me astray.
Trust His Word over feelings that's the only sure way.

Now I still have no answers to what I said up above.
Yet my angst grows still and I've a sense of His love.
And for now that's enough; I'm surprisingly satisfied.
For to be accepted unconditionally, it's for that my heart's cried.

So I sit filled with gratitude and tears in my eyes.
Perhaps now's a good time to give sleep one more try.
I'll go turn out the lights, make sure everyone's fine.
And aim to rest sound in my Jesus for all time.

O My Soul

Why so downcast, O My Soul?
What do you have to complain about, really?
Your life is so blessed don't you forget.
Even if the day is quite dreary.

This mood has been growing for days now though.
For you haven't taken time to pray
Over the cares and concerns that are within you.
Now your pity-party's well under way.

God showed you some things that He wants to change
Then others showed you some more.
You then added to that the list that you have
And burdened yourself to the floor.

Well, pick yourself up oh doubt-prone soul
And take it to God in prayer!
The only opinion that truly will matter
You'll find when you take yourself there.

God reveals what He does not to make you feel bad
He's revealing the chains that need breaking.
And He'll be faithful, if you let Him, to break those chains
And offer freedom that's yours for the taking.

So rejoice oh my soul and be happy within me;
Your salvation draweth nigh!
Keep your eyes set on Jesus for in Him you will find
That on eagles wings, you will fly!

For My Mom

I wrote this a number of years ago for my mom and decided to honor her here as well. Plus, it helps keep my standing as her favorite! I know, mom, you "love us all the same." yeah, yeah, yeah. blah, blah, blah. Love you.

A Heritage of Love

As I look back so fondly at this life I've been given
With its ups and its downs and it's day-to-day living;
I remember with smiles and such joy in my heart.
For you, my dear mother, have played a huge part
in molding and caring and shaping, it's true.
So much of what's me comes from the love that's in you.

Thanks for artwork on lunch bags drawn lovingly each day.
And energy kept for times spent in play.
For catch in the yard with my sisters and me.
And singing on the couch to Donny and Marie.
For tuna with mustard and PB&J
Again I'll take time to say thank you this day.

For Christmas-time murals painted on windows each year,
Onlookers would come and they'd stare and they'd peer.
For Halloween stories told 'neath the table
To surpass our great fun, none would be able

Thanks for Saturday shopping and our ice cream stop
You showed me the meaning of shop 'till you drop.
For the kittens and puppies we convinced you to buy,
Your patience it seemed was in endless supply.
When giving your "pedicures" or "washing hair" on the floor
I thought I had fun; I think you had more.

I always enjoyed your "celebrity" stories;
And autoraphed pictures of stars in their glory.
I love to read books, both fiction and non.
I got that from you - you've passed that on.
Your imagination to me brings laughter and fun;
From wee little voices to songs that we'd sung.

You taught me the meaning of character and truth.
To just be myself and not be aloof.
And for times when I fell or came into harm,
You'd mend cuts and bruises or tickle my arm.

I heard you pray daily for strength when you're tired
The strength that God gave you I have to admire.
It showed up in ways like loving protection;
From caring for colds to lavish affection.

These moments of sharing were not simply fleeting.
They've grown me and shown me; these moments had meaning.
I believe they were lessons God ordained from above
to teach us His heart a lesson in love.

And the love that you learned so well from your mom
is the love that I learned from you (and then some).
My hope and my prayer is that I'll pass along
the love you have shown me so my kids will grow strong.

So thank you dear mother and God up above
For this thing that I call A Heritage of Love.

"Her children arise and call her blessed." Proverbs 31:28

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my birthday
I'm 41 years old.
No more a spring chicken
Or so I've been told.

Now I could spend my days
Trying to hang on to my youth.
But I don't have the energy
To tell you the truth.

And what's the point really?
Those days are past.
My energy's spent better
On things that will last.

Not that I'll sit idle.
No I'll try my best
To maintain that
With which I've been blessed.

Gray hair I will color
or occassionally pluck.
And Lord knows I could use
A little nip or a tuck.

But imperfections aside
I am happy to see
That I'm at the place in my life
I always hoped I would be.

I'm happily married
With two wonderful kids.
And God holds my life.
I'm eternally His.

So what could be better?
What more can I say?
Except Happy Birthday to me
I'm 41 today!

A Divine Jealousy

I'm jealous, Dear Jesus and it can't be right;
To envy this one so dear in Your sight.
Y'see, she's got this great passion, this fervor and love
For You, her sweet Savior sent from Heaven above.
She appreciates so all that You've done.
The sacrifice made by God's only son.

Is it okay to pray that I'd have the same?
That ferver and passion, to be overwhelmed that you came?

I've watched her on video and done studies she's written.
It's so obvious to me that, with You, she's quite smitten.
I can't help it, Dear Jesus. I want that too.
That special relationship between me and You.

Now my walk is not hers and her walk is not mine.
But with You as our Savior, both walks are Divine.

So perhaps this envy is not such a quagmire.
For perhaps You have used it to awaken desire.
Now to You, my Dear Jesus, I surrender my heart.
I give You the whole and not just a part.
Just don't let me stay as I've been before.
And I'll love you - Dear Jesus - forevermore.

I wrote this in response to Day 5 of Week 2 in Beth Moore's updated edition of A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place. After next week, this particular study will over but what I've learned through it will remain for a lifetime. Thank you Jesus for this beloved sister and the way you've used her over the last few years to lovingly prod me along in this wonderful journey with You. Few will ever know this side of heaven how You have changed my life through her.

Be blessed.
Melanie

Just for laughs...

My daughter received a belated Christmas gift this weekend from my sister. It was a book of poems by Shel Silverstein called A Light in the Attic. One of them in particular made me laugh out loud; hope it gives you a chuckle.

PRAYER OF THE SELFISH CHILD

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And if I die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my toys to break
So none of the other kids can use 'em...
Amen