Choking Back Tears

It's officially begun. The dreaded goodbyes. The part I've purposely been pushing from my mind for weeks now is quickly becoming unavoidable and I'm sad.

Yesterday, some of my co-workers took me out for a "farewell" lunch. There were thoughtful gifts and kind sentiments from a pretty wonderful group of people and I couldn't help but get choked up. I'm so gonna miss these folks, the ones who were able to make it and those who couldn't. For the last three years I've had the privilege of working with people who are so gifted in what they each do. I have so much respect and admiration for each and every one of them.

Then today I met with someone I usually only deal with through email, though occassionally face-to-face. She hugged me before she left and wished me well and told me I would be missed. I'll miss her too.

Next week will be the worst. It's my last week and even as I type that, I'm choking back tears - unsuccessfully, I might add. I've loved everything about working for my church, from the people I work with and for, to those involved in the ministries I help serve. I wasn't wanting to go back to work three years ago and I hated the events that made it necessary but I couldn't be more thankful that God opened that door and shoved me through it. It's been one of the best experiences of my life and a big part of me truly wishes it wasn't coming to an end.

Oh, here we go again. Where are the tissues...

Be blessed.
Melanie

All This Moving Stuff

Howdy folks! Have I told you lately how awesome I think God is? Well, based on the date of my last post, I haven't told you anything in a month and a day so I guess I haven't. Well, He is.

Preparations for our move to FL have been progressing nicely - THANK YOU, JESUS! Every time a potential glitch has popped up, God has smoothed it out. More than that, everytime my worries and doubts have popped up, God smoothed those out too, with specific-to-my-prayers scripture. I have been loving this time with the Lord. I don't think I've ever experienced Him like this before. I know I haven't.

My friend asked me recently if this move is different from the other moves we've made and my husband asked me something similar as well. This move is different. For instance, when we moved from Virgnia Beach, VA to San Antonio, TX, God gave me a peace about that. Throughout this whole process though, God has, little by little given me not just peace, but a confidence that He is leading this and is working out every detail.

I was on our church's annual women's retreat down in Rehoboth Beach, DE when my husband called to say we had an offer on the house. I told you in my last post that in our heart of hearts, we weren't really expecting the house to sell. Not in this market. So I was more than a little shocked when he told me. One of my very best friends was on the retreat with me and I was afraid to tell her. I knew she'd be upset - shoot, I was upset. My mind immediately went to all that we'd be leaving. Our friends, my kids' schools, our church, a job I love with people I absolutely respect beyond words...I thought of the devastation this would be to my kids...This is the closest I've lived to my mom, sister and her family in NY in 14 years and now I'm going to leave? Again? I was completely torn in half.

But God was SO good to me. He made sure I'd be in the best possible place to receive this news - this women's retreat. The speaker was a woman by the name of Sharon Thomas with Established Footsteps Ministries and she spoke on, of all things...moving! Moving from one spiritual place to another and making sure to build your "house" on the Rock. It was so fabulous. Every message was SO specific, SO encouraging. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I think I did both at different times.

But the best came late Saturday morning. Every year, an hour of quiet time immediately follows the Saturday morning message (and precedes LUNCH & 5 hours of free time). We are encouraged to get by ourselves to pray, read our Bibles, answer some questions based on that morning's message and just basically reflect on what God might be saying to us. The weather was gorgeous so most of us, myself included, chose to go down to the beach. I got as close to the water as I could - without letting it actually touch me. (It was, afterall, only April. In Deleware. The water was freezing!)

I began to pour out my heart to God - my fears, my worries. I desperately want to be doing the right thing by my family. I think now of the story where Moses tells God that if He wasn't going to go with them into the promised land, he didn't want to go at all. That's pretty much how I felt. I believed that moving would ultimately make life better for my family but if He wasn't leading it, if He wasn't behind this, I didn't want to go anywhere. I asked Him to please not allow us to get one toe out of His will. And I do, afterall, have plenty of good reasons to stay. I've changed so much in the last 5 years and feel like I've experienced the biggest growth spurt of my life with regard to my relationship with Him while here. I don't know what a future looks like somewhere else but I could see possibilities for each of us for continued growth and ways and places to get involved if we stayed.

I had my Bible with me and began to read various scriptures. Through those and through what God spoke to my heart, my faith grew a little bit and I began to believe He might actually be behind this move. He told me through His Word that I could trust Him and to remember and think of those things that I know about Him; that He is the Good Shepherd who never leads His sheep astray. He reminded me that He doesn't stay behind in PA while we move elsewhere but He would go with us and, in fact, has gone before us. It was this back and forth conversation with Him. It was the coolest thing ever.

And that's kind of how it's been throughout this whole process. Another friend of mine told me that during the retreat, God had put it on her heart to give me this small binder full of index cards on many of which she wrote, by hand, scripture verses about trusting God for my future. Verses like Psalm 32:8 The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you." Those verses in that binder are like gold to me. A treasured gift. One I carry with me constantly, refer to frequently and add to periodically.

Yes, God is awesome. I'm just sayin'

Be blessed.
Melanie

Results, Travel and Plans, Oh My!

Happy Sunday, folks. I completely overslept today so no church for us. Man, and I really wanted to go today. Oi.

Well results from my biopsy came in the very next day and they were negative - no cancer. It was a (and forgive my probably misspelling) fibroadnoma. Thanks so much for your prayers. It truly means so much to me that folks I've never even met took time to pray for me. That's such a God thing. I love Him - and you - for that. I have a follow-up this week with my doctor who will explain exactly what a fibroadnoma is (which is good since I really haven't had time to look it up) and to discuss options like to remove or not to remove. From my understanding at this point, I shouldn't need to remove it since it's no more likely to turn cancerous than any other cell in there. That being the case, I don't believe I want to have my breast opened up again no matter how teensy the opening. The only thing I'm concerned about is that ever since the biopsy, I have this very uncomfortable lump there. My guess is that it might be a hematoma and if it is, I don't know what they typically do about that.

In other news, the reason I didn't post my results sooner is because the very next day we took off on a very long drive down to Florida to...HOUSE HUNT! I'm not sure that I've posted before that back in February we put our house up for sale. We weren't sure if it would sell with the market the way it is AND we didn't know where we would go if it did. We were considering NC and FL because we have friends and/or family in both places. We were all a little shocked when a serious buyer came along two months later. So far things seem to be going well and though there are still a couple of things that could trip this up, we are trusting God that if this is indeed His plan for us, all will go well. We want nothing more than to be in the center of His will for our family wherever and whenever that takes or keeps us.

So within a matter of days, we looked at 20-30 homes in central FL and ultimately decided to build in a town that we had originally said we didn't want to consider. This is a very funny testimony in the making if this goes through all the way, I'll tell ya. Well funny to us, anyway.

SO, now all we have to do is start packing, find a rental place in FL we can live in 'till the house is ready in Sept/Oct, figure out what in the world we're doing with the animals 'cause of course we're going away on vacation about the same time as the move...sigh... Can you sense my joy? Anybody got some boxes? Anybody wanna help? C'mon, I'll make lunch! All prayers are appreciated as always.

And as always, I pray YOU will...

Be blessed.
Melanie

Way To Go, Felicia!!!

Don't know if you're an American Idol fan or not. I haven't been up to this point but then all it takes to become one is to have actually known one of the contestants. I used to go to church with Felicia until about six years ago or so. She's the pastor's daughter and she's always been a powerhouse of a singer. I LOVED listening to her sing. Before last night though, I hadn't heard her since we left Virginia Beach so I was so glad to hear her again and more than a little surprised by how much her voice has matured. Her style is still all Felicia but even better than I remember. I know God is going to use this time in her life for His glory whether she makes it another round or not. Of course, I did do my part by voting like crazy in hopes that she does in fact make it another round or two or three...

Be blessed.
Melanie

Lessons from a Volcano

This morning, my son gave a book talk at school. The kids were instructed to pick a book, read it through and create a project to go with it, either a model, poster, diarama, etc. and then present it to the class and parents. My son decided to do his on volcanos because...well, he's fascinated by natural disasters, frankly.

Last week, we finished his volcano book together and the Lord showed me something really cool. This book was good and I learned a lot of stuff about volcanos I certainly never knew before. One of volcanos they showed was Mount St. Helens in Washington. That's a picture of it above. Throughout the book, it talked about the volcano's power and showed picture after picture of the devastation left in the aftermath of an eruption (incl the one above). Beautiful, lush landscapes and thriving villages utterly destroyed and left a dead, ugly wasteland. Or are they?

According to the book, while volcanic eruptions can bring absolute devastation, they can also bring renewal. Because of the minerals and nutrients in the ash, not only does plant life grow back quickly, it grows back even stronger than before the eruption. As my son and I read that, I sensed the Lord saying to my heart that that's what He can do in a life entrusted to Him.

I can think of several examples right off the top of my head of people whose lives have felt or currently feel like a volcanic eruption, feeling devastated by life's circumstances. I recently spoke with a woman who's been there. I asked her what she was able to hold on to during that time. The first thing she said was the Word of God - her Bible, sometimes literally walking around clutching it. She then said that in spite of how terrible the circumstances were, she believes that because of what God did in her through those circumstances, today she is stronger and in a better place emotionally, spiritually, etc. than she ever was before it all began. I didn't say anything about the whole volcano thing but it was if the Lord was saying to me "See? I told you; this is what I do."

Most of us with a sound mind would never purposely seek out painful, life-altering experiences any more than we would purposely seek to suffer the devastation of a volcanic eruption (with the exception perhaps of those who study volcanoes - called 'Volcanologists' in case you wanted to know, though it sounds more like a Star Trek term to me).

As hard as it may be to swallow, it's no secret that God sometimes allows hard times to come into our lives that would like to shake us to our very foundation. But, like the volcano, if we entrust our lives and those hard times to our always faithful God, He promises to give us "beauty for ashes" Isaiah 61:3.





Be blessed.
Melanie

What Were They Thinkin???

UPDATE: Because one of the contestants who made the top 36 was ruled ineligible, FELICIA BARTON IS NOW BACK IN!!!!!!! There is no one who can who can mess with God's plan for His child - wherever and however He chooses for it to take her. I LOVE IT!!!!!

I have never been a huge American Idol fan but I've been watching ever since I learned that Felicia Barton was going to be on. See, Felicia is the daughter of our pastor from Virginia Beach, VA and I haven't seen or been in touch with them since we moved from there about 6 years ago. I couldn't have been happier for her getting on the show.

I missed her audition show but have watched faithfully since, hoping to see her and hear her incredible voice. Unfortunately, they sent her home tonight. What were they thinkin??? I was surprised a few times by the people they sent packing and possibly even more surprised to see the ones they kept! I don't know how long Tatiana's voice, however great it is (and it's pretty stinkin' good), but I don't know how long that's going to carry her. God bless her, but she's really annoying to watch. And Nathaniel? Oh.My.Word The blubbering has got to stop and that's all I'm going to say about him.

Instead, back to Felicia. In case you're not sure who she is 'cause frankly they didn't spotlight her nearly enough, check out the video below. This is what everyone will be missing. I think she's fabulous and know God has a wonderful plan for this child of His.

Be blessed.
Melanie

There's Hope for My Soap

I have a little confession to make. I'm a soap opera watcher - Guiding Light, specifically (and As the World Turns occassionally). My grandmother listened to Guiding Light when it was on radio, my mother grew up on it and continued to watch, and I, in turn, grew up watching it and got hooked as well. When I was in high school, it came on at 3:00 in the afternoon which was great. I'd get home from school, watch GL and when it finished, I'd go deliver my newspapers (this is back in the day when kids were still able to have paper routes). When I started working full-time, I understandably, had to stop watching though I would catch up on days off or when home sick or something. After I became a stay-at-home mom, I started to watch fairly regularly again.

As is common with the soaps, they all go through periods where they make a bunch of bone-headed moves like getting rid of characters that are fan-favorites and GL is no exception. They have certainly made their fair share of bone-headed firings or lame attempts at keeping favorite actors. The late, great Michael Zaslow comes to mind. He played Roger Thorpe, making that character the.absolute.best bad guy you ever loved to hate.

Over the years, I've been disappointed numerous times by the actors they let go or the characters they killed off but none so much as when they got rid of Grant Aleksander about five years ago; he had played Philip Spaulding for the better part of 22 years(thankfully no one is ever really dead in soapdom). That was, to many GL fans (myself included), the worst move in a long history of bad moves. I continued to watch though (mostly online at night) until a little over a year ago when the storylines became just too boring to take and too many of my favorite actors and characters had disappeared (Jerry ver Dorn as Ross Marler; Paul Anthony Stewart as Danny Santos; Laura Wright as Cassie; Ricky Paul Golden and Beth Ehlers as Gus and Harley and others too). The powers that be over at CBS and Guiding Light were, in my opinion, causing a slow, painful death to my favorite and the longest running soap in daytime history and not doing enough justice to some of my remaining favorites like Ron Raines, Kim Zimmer, Robert Newman, Jordan Clark and others.

BUT, and the point of this entire, likely interesting-only-to-me post, a glimmer of hope has returned to my soap in the long-awaited return of Grant Aleksander. Yes, Philip Spaulding has returned to Springfield and though it's only been two days, I am delighted. I have been looking forward to this week for about a month, and, at least for a little while I think, I'm going to enjoy watching my favorite soap again.

Hope you've had some fun little something to look forward to this week too.

Be blessed.
Melanie