Monday, July 28, 2008

Afterglowing

Are you familiar with the term 'afterglowing'? It was a term I heard a lot in the 80's and early 90's, in church settings usually. After a church service or perhaps a Christian concert or even after a particularly good time of fellowship, folks would linger around "after-glowing". If you're unfamiliar with the term, I looked it up and here's a few definitions I thought explained it fairly well or at least might give a good idea of what I mean.

1) (I particularly like this one) The light emitted after removal of a source of energy. ex. the glow of an incandescent metal as it cools.
2) The comfortable feeling following a pleasant experience.
3) A lingering impression of past glory or success.

The reason I mention this is because it's pushing 2am and I can't sleep because I'm still "afterglowing" after this mornings...um, I mean yesterday morning's worship time at church. I keep replaying it in my mind.

I had to lead worship yesterday and if you've followed to any degree my quest to overcome anxiety while leading worship, you understand what I went through trying to get ready for church. I recently told a friend that it's gotten to the point that having to lead ranks right up there with root canal on my fear meter. Pretty bad, right? Lord forgive me.

Well, it started out same as always. Upset stomach from the time the alarm went off, numerous trips to the bathroom (more info than you probably needed, I'm sure. Sorry), minor heart palpitations, etc. But then I got to church. Mind you, since I got up I'd been trying to meditate on various scriptures the Lord has shown me in recent weeks on this topic.

Because of summer internships and vacations, etc. our worship team has been pretty minimal so I knew we wouldn't have a full team. But much to my surprise when I got there I saw we had an extra vocalist that I wasn't expecting and THEN two more unexpected surprises walked through the door - yet another vocalist and one of our drummers. With the exception of our acoustic guitar player, we had a full team! God knows that kind of support goes a long way for me. Then I felt totally blessed in having an extra 30 minutes of practice time and a team that was gracious and willing to hang in there with me for that extra time.

We finished practicing with about 20 minutes or so before the start of service. Any amount of waiting is killer to me. My stomach started acting up again so I whipped out my Bible and started reading my verses and spent some time in prayer.

Then the coolest thing happened. As soon as we started to do our thing I felt the Lord's presence. I had even sensed it during the practice time. The fear was gone, I felt this confidence and a genuine pleasure throughout worship. Please understand I love to sing, I love to worship and I love singing with our worship team. I will sing and worship my God whether I'm on a platform or in a pew or anywhere else for that matter but I'm telling you, I have never experienced to this degree the pure joy in the Lord while leading the worship set like I did this morning. I even messed up a little bit but it was truly not a big deal. It was such a joy and for me, that's a really big deal.

So it's 5 minutes before 2am and I'm still afterglowing and had no one to share it with - except you, of course, out there in the blogosphere.

Well, thanks for staying and reading this. I pray you are blessed with a special sense of His presence today. There's just nothing like it.

Melanie

2 comments:

De Anna Morris said...

Melanie,I completely understand your anxiety over leading worhsip. I, too, am a worship leader. I am untrianed, inexperienced, but know with out a doubt that I am called to do what I do. The fears I have had to face were "youre not good enough, you don't know enough, you can't, someone else is better..." The enemy screamed these acusations at me loudly every week.
With the help of the scripture, as you said, I have been able to overcome most all of my anxiety. It creeps in sometimes, but I have to make a conscious choice to disregard the lies and believe the truth..."Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world." "with God all things are possible" and one of my favorites..."I am more than a conqueror".

And after all,the real problem with Sunday morning worship is that if God is going to do something, darkness must be dispelled. Praise is the weapon, but the battle is the Lords.

Here is an acrostic that I think about when those fears come against me in regard to leading worship

Worship is...B.A.T.T.L.E
Bringing
Attnetion
To
The
Lords
Excellence

janine said...

you are such a blessing melanie...so nice to read more about that special Sunday!