It's been another bad day. My FIL gets worse in his Alzheimers by the day it seems sometimes. There's no telling what will set him off. He can start out fine when he gets up and then the least little thing happens and it's downhill from there.
He likes to take the trash out to the garbage bin every day and this morning I wouldn't let him because the thing we've worked so hard to prevent from happening, did the other day. He snuck out and disappeared. I found him walking on a main road and managed to get him to come in the car with me. He uses the garbage thing as a means to get out the door. That's not how he did it the other day but that's his general method. However because someone has to unlock the door to let him do that, we're able to keep an eye on where he goes and prevent him from going very far.
Well, since his disappearing act the other day, I'm not even letting him out the front door anymore because he doesn't listen to me. This makes him very mad as it did this morning and he's been on a tear ever since, grumbling under his breath everytime I go by and giving me dirty looks all day.
The man I came to call dad when I married his son is not the man that lives with us today. Alzheimer's has taken that man. I miss him. He was lighthearted and fun. Opinionated but kind. Irritating at times but loving and a proud grandfather.
My house is very stressful today and my hubby's not home. This stuff wears on my nerves nearly to the point of tears sometimes. I've been praying for the peace of God to fall over my house or at least my heart all day today. I'm thankful I have God in my life because I don't know how I'd function without Him giving me strength for the day. Even when the tears come, I thank God for the ability to cry because it's a pressure release. I might explode otherwise.
As my dad used to say, "This too shall pass." And it will. This is but for a season. I just pray when all is said and done, that there will have been more days where I was patient, kind, loving and strong than days where I dropped the ball. As a friend of mine says, In His strength and by His grace.
The Big Boo Cast, Episode 111
2 weeks ago