Monday, March 10, 2008

Journey in the Dark

This journey in the dark we've been on for the last 2 months or so with my daughter continues on. The pain and nasea she's been experiencing since mid-January is becoming more severe and more frequent. Is it physical? Is it emotional? Both? Nothing seems to help.

In the beginning, we thought "oh, it was just something you ate - the tacos or a few too many pieces of candy on Valentines Day". Then she was diagnosed with a uti and we thought "well, that explains it." But it continues still.

We thought we saw a pattern. Didn't know what it meant, but it looked like a pattern - a piece to the puzzle. It was happening mostly at night and then a little first thing in the morning. Then it started happening before anxiety-producing times - before a test for example. So we thought ok, food and worries can trigger an attack. IBS, perhaps? We started cutting back on certain foods - no dairy, no spaghetti sauce, NO CHOCOLATE, no beef, nothing fried, no juice. At this point, she's down to chicken broth, saltines and water. And you know what? The attacks are still coming.

She doesn't like to be in the car for too long - motion sickness (never had that before). She's afraid to do too much activity, so she sat out of gym last week. She loves gym - they're learning gymnastics. She's afraid to go to kids club at chuch - something she's always looked forward to - because an attack may happen and did last week. I got a call to pick her up early. She's not sleeping well because they happen almost like clockwork around bedtime and can last at least an hour. Last night it woke her up from her sleep. That was a first. Another notch up on this ever-escalating mystery illness.

To give you an idea of how bad this is for her and what this is doing to her, read some of her comments in her own words usually said with tears coming down her cheeks:

"I wish I was in Heaven so this wouldn't be happening anymore."

Me: "Baby, I wish this was happening to me and not you." My daughter: "Mom, I wouldn't want this to happen to you."

"Mommy, will you ask the doctor to take some blood so they can figure out what's wrong with me and make it stop?"

"I just want this to stop"

She filled out a prayer request at church. It read: "Dear God, please make the pain stop."

We go back to the doctor today and I'm going to request (demand if necessary) some tests.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. Psalm 119:105

Lord, please lift this darkness and clear the path. Heal my baby.

To our friends and family: Thank you for your prayers. She has read many of your emails. Your kind words, prayers and encouragement have touched her - some to the point of tears. I thank God upon every remembrance of you. (Phil. 1:3)

Be blessed.

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